I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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