I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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