I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
