I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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