I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
