dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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