I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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