hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
