i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
