At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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