Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
