My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize