There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
