You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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