I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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