i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
