She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
