Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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