yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
soo... how was my night?
Randomize