If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
