i just wanna soil my oats bro
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
