im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize