She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
