It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
