My room smells like vodka and shame
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
