it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am midnight drunk by noon
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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