he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
