I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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