Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
