we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize