thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
