My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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