i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
