This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
