It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
