Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
