is your mom at the bar?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
