i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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