You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
