when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
