I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
