Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
