Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
