if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Randomize
