I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
