My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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