in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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