Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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