I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
