He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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