Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
