Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
