she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
