Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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