He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
