My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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