Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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