I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
