guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize