My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
