I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
