so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
