Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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