but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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