So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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